Being Kind and Being Ruthless, Through Ho'oponopono Cleaning

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."
Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet

There are times when kindness is the only thing that makes sense. Perhaps this recognition dawns on us once we have lost enough in our lives -- relationships, jobs, pets, health, possessions, anything we value -- to connect with other beings experiencing the same.

Once there, life is never the same again.

It's like your heart is broken open, and no self-righteous stance holds any longer. There is only marveling at the diversity of life, the variety of human and other kinds of suffering, and offering of ourselves where we can.

As a doctor, I see and hear a lot. As a homeopath, I have the chance to listen even more deeply than I could when practicing conventional psychiatry alone. From this quiet place within, I simply allow the other to be as s/he is. We gently track and find what needs healing. It gradually shows itself.

I, too, have a homeopath who does this for me -- even when I'm talking absolute nonsense. Like most other humans, this is frequent. He simply observes, following the trail I leave. And although not pushing, he misses nothing. Sometimes what I find at the bottom embarrasses me. It's a state that is "not me", yet has been with me 24/7 for a very long time. How my homeopath stands me at times I do not know.

"It isn't really you I'm talking to anyway, Pam," he says. "Actually Pam can stay in the car, because she's just fine. It's your disease I need to hear from, and let it self-excavate itself so we can see how it is."

This attentiveness on his part is definitely kindness. But it's not the type that says, "Oh, you poor thing; let me make it all better."

Instead it says, "Let's understand your particular suffering and how it saps your life. I'm observing every gesture you make, and hearing every word you utter. It all comes together to show what's out of tune in you. Once we see this, can we encourage your own life force to take the reins once more -- rather than this mindless, reactionary thing inside that seems to live you you at times?"

He simply employs his skillful compassion -- and the remedies (homeopathic medicines) that come from this understanding -- the best that he can. I am responding by gradual -- yet to me amazing -- growth. There is also quieting of what was a hypersensitive, easily insulted or slighted, being inside.

Once we see that we're really run by information, data, "memories", etc rather than our conscious minds, we can also understand that everyone else is run by this also. A certain forgiveness comes; things said by others don't have to be experienced as personal attacks any longer. For me this has a deeply freeing and mitigating effect. Of course I will get out of the way where I need to, but my armor doesn't need to be "up" all the time. Relief.

Ho'oponopono helps me listen to others in the same unperturbable, focused way I have been listened to. In being heard that way, I somehow get quiet enough to heal myself. All of us can do this, when attended to carefully enough. I hope my patients experience this with me. As I become less scattered and more able to see and hear, the more I'm able to attend to others in a neutral yet ruthless way.

I want my homeopath to be ruthless with me too. This is the ultimate kindness he can offer -- by exposing the masks I wear but really do not "need". It seems to come naturally to him, and I'm grateful. Well, mostly. :-)

In my own practice with others, Ho'oponopono keeps me balanced, firm, and collected as I go about my life and work. It opens my heart to others, but also quiets me enough so my eyes can see. Perceiving clearly, I can ruthlessly follow the person's sensitivity trail to what is unbalanced or "stuck". Were I lost in my own delusional song, I would be befuddled and of no help to anyone.

It's curious that homeopathy posits an "other song" that runs our lives, and which can be quieted through skillful application of a remedy -- while Ho'oponopono posits "memories" or "data" which Divinity can transmute. They may be connected, I don't know. The attitude one needs to be effective is the same in both, though. Kamailelauli'I, President of IZI LLC
, once told me on a phone call that to be of service in Ho'oponopono cleaning, our attitude needs to be very firm. It isn't a place for pity or sympathy, no matter how the person suffers.

This sounded cold at first, and then I realized she and Morrnah were right. Unless we're very careful, it's easy to get lost in the agonizing stories humans tell. If we do this, we are completely lost -- the same way I have sometimes been in my homeopathy cases if I lose the trail.

Uncannily, this ruthless clear sightedness allows us to also see that we're all swimming in the same memory soup . . . leading directly back to simple compassion and kindness for us all.

I still marvel -- consistent Ho'oponopono cleaning is definitely not for wimps. And yet, it's the kindest, most compassionate thing we can do when anyone in our lives is suffering.

Peace begins with me,


Al Rodee said…
I love you, Thank you, Please forgive me, I'm sorry.
Gin said…
Thank you so much for this post. I understand being completely at wit's end & being at odds with one's family members. I hadn't applied cleaning to this 60 year old problem. Talk about a major blind spot!

I am the only one in my family who applies cleaning/clearing; I am gonna get right on it!

PS I loved the pic of the hen mothering that napping puppy who is too big to actually fit under her wings.
Pam Pappas MD said…
Hello Gin,

Thank you for your comments, and your cleaning. It's a helpful way for any of us to clear up our "blind spots".

Peace of I,
Proud Poppa said…
Thank you for this post Dear Pam. It continues to bless me each time I read it. Once again your posts have a cleaning effect on me that is continuing. My armor has finally been dissolved today, the past healed and all things made new. The mind is very quiet so my new blog post today very brief. Thanks for being my special friend!

Peace of I,

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