Over the last few months I've been dealing with a family situation that's had me stumped. A mixture of love, concern, anxiety, hurt, anger, and guilt comes along with it.
The specifics aren't so important here, but one issue for me has been what -- and how much -- I personally should "do" about this situation.
After all, one tenet of Ho'oponopono is that we are "100% responsible" for everything that shows up in our lives. Does this mean that when the proverbial you-know-what hits the fan, we have caused it -- with all attendant blame and guilt? And if we have caused it, does it mean we need to fix it?
Maybe other people get confused about these questions too.
When in the thick of things, she said, "it can be hard to remember that this is only a movie -- maybe a horror movie that we don't want to see." What seems to be "out there" is only a reflection of the collected memories playing on our inner projector.
The projector might be perfect . . . but Lord! Those movies!
"It is not about what they are doing, saying, how they are acting," she continued. "It is to remember that they are only my thoughts, and we don't take it personally."
She reminded us also of Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len's comments about such things: "You clean for your family to behave nicely? I clean to be with God!"
This can be a challenge, depending on what's going on. But the goal is to be at peace, no matter what's happening.
"Taking 100% responsibility is giving it to God," added Mabel. "It does not mean you are responsible for taking decisions, for knowing everything. In fact it is the opposite -- you know nothing!"
"The more you let God take care of it [through doing your Ho'oponopono cleaning] the more God DOES take care of it and things happen." Cleaning through "Thank you," "I love you," and other tools gives God our permission to take care of our family members, or whoever/whatever we might be concerned about.
That said, choosing to do the cleaning [rather than getting all tangled up with the seeming scenario] is a huge responsibility. If we don't, no one else may be willing to do it -- leaving everyone stuck.
"You are responsible", emphasized Mabel, "because they are your thoughts [of pain, upset, worry, anger, etc]. You are not responsible for anything else but to LET THEM GO. Your are responsible to set them free so that your family can set themselves free. Allow God to do it."
"You think you know what they need?" she asked me.
No, I definitely don't, I answered -- and this is a problem too. I am not sure whether there is something I am "supposed" to be understanding that I simply don't. What if I "miss" it?
"The only question any of us needs to ask," replied Mabel, "is: 'am I cleaning enough?'" People only come to us, both she and Dr. Hew Len have said, to give us another chance to make amends and set them free.
What an amazing possibility, I thought. What if, in the midst of what looks to me like a mess, this is instead an exciting opportunity to let go of things that have been plaguing my family, relatives, and ancestors for generations?
"You can give permission to God in you to take care of your parents," she said, "or you can worry and God is going to love you anyway. You can say to God, 'I want what's best for everybody, but I don't know the solution.' God is waiting for you to give permission for Him to help."
Only God in us can transmute memories. That is getting to the problems' source. Everything else is simply managing, playing in the land of the intellect and seeming outer effects. Cleaning needs to be constant.
I got worried, of course, about this. What if, in my attempts to clean, worries creep back in? Will this negate any potential good I have done?
"No," said Mabel. "Not as along as you are doing your best. God is watching you."
She reminded us all that we can use the glass of water tool as a reminder for times when we "slip" and worry rather than clean.
For this, fill a glass of water 3/4 full, and maybe put a little blue corn meal in the glass. Leave it out. Change the water at least twice a day, but as often as you notice yourself worrying or suffering again. It's like saying to God, "I am giving you permission to transmute whatever is going on in me that this situation is showing up" -- even when you aren't consciously thinking about it. None of us cleans perfectly.
Ceeport stickers, pins, and other products are also ways to keep this cleaning going in difficult situations. But the glass of water is free. :-)
Peace Begins with Me,
Pam
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